Polar Zone/Eighteen
❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅ But do you feel like a young god? You know the two of us are just young gods. — Halsey, Young God ---- EVERLY "OKAY." I thump my paws on the ground to get everyone's attention. "Let's go over the plan one more time." "Let's not and say we did, Mom," Calder grumbles. "I just want to make sure nothing goes wrong." Jett touches his tail to my shoulder. "Things always go wrong. We'll figure it out. It'll work out, you'll see." "We're all nervous about this, Everly," says Sasha gently. "Heck, I'm not even sure about crossing the river, let alone returning to the peak of that cursed mountain -- and don't even mention the wolves." "But I'm making it worse with all my heckling," I finish for her. She gives me a sheepish grin. "Well, I wasn't going to put it quite like that." I get the gist of it, though, and I understand it. "I'm sorry." "Plus, the sun hasn't risen yet. I get that this is an all day thing, but that's all the more reason to get what sleep we can." Calder pats my shoulder to let me know he isn't really mad before walking over to Farrah and collapsing with his chin resting on her head. "S'all right, though. We all need an outlet for that nervous energy. Do you want to go for a quick walk?" Jett offers. "We don't need to leave for a few hours still." "Sure," I agree, and walk out of the cave with him. "The weather isn't that bad, at least not for leafbare in the polar zone," says Jett, looking up at the dark blue sky. "No, though you can never tell. If a blizzard comes, it's sometimes impossible to predict," I say, remembering what Lucifer told me. "Wise words." Jett nods. "Jett, can I ask you something?" The black tom gives me a curious look. "Technically, you just did. But I shall graciously give you permission to ask one more question." "Do you ever imagine a world on Thorn Mountain without the Guard? Without Greer or the Triad?" He stares at me. "Everly, what on earth do you mean? The Triad has been around forever. And the Guard is essential to survival." He hesitates. "Oh, wow. You must think I sound brainwashed." Shuffling my paws, I say, "It just sounds so rehearsed. All of you are so convinced that everything Greer does is to protect the Clans, not to control them." "It could be both," admits Jett. "Look, I'll admit I used to admire her leadership, but I'm here, aren't I? I ran out of that mountain with you." I nod. "I guess I owe you guys an apology. I haven't been thinking about how hard it was for you, leaving the only home you've ever known for complete uncertainty. And I'm not exactly the most confidence-inspiring leader." "Hey, you're great. I trust you," Jett says loyally. "We got across the river once. We'll do it again." "I hope so," I say. A faint frown creases his brow. "Are you okay? You're usually the heart and soul of the group." The group. I like the sound of that. I like how a cluster of the least likely cats in the world have somehow started referring to themselves collectively, have reached the point where there is no question of not jumping into an icy river together. It makes me feel like maybe I do have family left after all. "I'm okay. I'm just a little worried," I say, realizing as the words fall out how true they really are. I can still hear my parents' screams, see Juniper and Starlight's lifeless bodies, and all I can think is, Not again. I can't watch more cats I love die. And I'm about to lead those I care about most right into the wolf's lair. Plus Greer, who is almost worse than DiAngelo. "Like I said before, it'll be okay," Jett tells me. "We can't afford to think any differently." Our eyes lock for a long moment. Jett drops his gaze finally, but then he leans forward and touches his nose to mine. "I'll take care of you," he says. "You're not getting hurt this time." I watch him walk away, my stomach filling with fluttering butterflies. Oh, stars. This is completely the wrong time. I have no experience with this kind of stuff. I always figured when it happened -- a romantic connection or whatnot -- it would be evident right from the start, and would turn into something true and lasting, like the way Farrah and Calder can't go anywhere without each other. Okay, maybe not that drastic. Jett is wonderful. Sweet and kind and funny. But even though being close to him feels really nice, I don't think about him all the time when he's not around. I don't search for his face when I'm laughing to see if he shares the joke with me. I don't reach for him in the night when I'm lonely. Does that mean we're not meant to be? Could I learn to love him? If I ever do settle down with a tom by my side, I want one who is more than cute or charming. I want one who is strong when I can't be and gentle when I'm angry. A best friend, a partner. I shake away the thoughts. It doesn't matter, not right now. When I crawl back into the cave, Plover hands me a hare. "Share it with Lucifer. We all need to eat before we leave." I nod and glance around, locating the white tom fast asleep in a corner. I trot over and tap him gently with my paw. "Lucifer? Wake up." His eyelids flutter open. I give him an apologetic smile. "I feel so bad waking you, you finally looked like you were sleeping peacefully." His mouth opens in a wide yawn, and he stretches, his muscles pressing against his pelt. "M'awake now," he says in a deeper voice than usual, his blue eyes still blurry from sleep. If any of the other Guard cats could see him now, they wouldn't fear him a bit. "Good. I brought you breakfast." I put the hare down. "Hope it's a good enough peace offering. We have to split it, though." He blinks. "That's all right. It's good to eat lightly before a journey." I can't help but laugh at his usual pragmatism. "Plus, it's cute to share breakfast." "I guess survival is cute," he concedes, but he flashes me a grin. I begin to eat, then pause. "Are you waiting for me?" He nods, then looks surprised at himself. "I just thought... You'll need your strength." "So will you." I frown. "And you need to eat more than me." "Wow. I can't believe you just called me fat." "Oh, shut up." I shove him playfully, then pull back. Lucifer catches the sulky expression on my face and raises one eyebrow questioningly. Reluctantly, I mumble, "I think I bruised my toes on your muscle." It takes a while for him to stop laughing after that, and after a few seconds I forget about giving him the stink-eye and giggle along myself. After we finish the rabbit, Lucifer taps my shoulder and nods towards the cave exit. He doesn't need to say a word; I fall into step with him, and we slip out. "What's up?" "I know we're about to head out, but I just wanted to give you something really quick." "Advice? Jett's already given me plenty. Love the guy, but he needs to relax a little bit." Lucifer casts his eyes skyward and doesn't reply for a moment. I nudge him. "Hey. What you thinking 'bout?" "Oh, y'know. Counting the ways we could die in what we're about to do." "And?" "And I'd rather go through all of them than reach the peak and have to face Greer," he admits. I put my paw against his cheek and tilt his head down to face me. "Hey, listen to me. No one could blame you for that. Greer is awful and we all hate her, but it's different for you. It's like me facing the wolves that killed my family." I swallow. "I know you've done terrible things, Lucifer. I'm not trying to deny that. But Greer has raised you your entire life to be a killer." He flinches. "Please stop. Don't you think I know that?" "That's not my point. I'm trying to say that the fact that you've broken away from that is incredible. Even without the asara, Greer's control is all you've ever known." I can feel him trembling against me. "Courage has nothing to do with fearlessness. Courage is all about fear, Lucifer." "I don't know if I know how to face that, Everly. Asara ''was a way to escape. When I took it, I was always running. Getting nowhere, but at least I didn't have to stop and turn around and face my demons." "But you can. You're more than strong enough." I point towards the silhouette of Thorn Mountain, looming like a dark fang beyond the river. "That mountain is yours. Not hers. She twisted that prophecy, but she can't stop it from coming true. She can't stop you from taking back your home, from avenging your mother and stopping her reign of terror." I can feel myself coming out of a dark place as I gaze into Lucifer's brilliant blue eyes, a place I didn't even know I'd fallen into. I think, ''This isn't just about him, this is for me too. "Greer might command death, but life is ours for the taking. It's ours." I drop my paw from his cheek, and Lucifer presses his own against it. I feel something small and shiny slip into my grasp, and look down. It's the beautiful little pink stone he found for Eider and Plover, only now a thin, long strand of pine bark has been looped through a tiny hole near the top. "May I?" I nod at him, lost for words, and dip my head so he can lift the loop over, brushing lightly against my ears before settling it so that the stone hangs at my throat. "I -- Thank you. It's so lovely, and I can't believe you thought of doing that for me." He smiles and touches his nose to the stone. "So you remember to keep fighting." "Guys?" Farrah's voice drifts out of the cave, and Lucifer leaps back from me as she approaches. Her expression is grim. "It's time to go." One by one, the others filter out. Sasha looks back at the cave with a wistful smile. "Thanks for bailing us out of that blizzard," she whispers to our makeshift home. "I'm going to miss you." Jett laughs. "I wish I could call you crazy, but stars, I feel you. It feels like this place has been more of a home than the peak ever was." "That's because of you guys," I say. "You're like my family. You made it home." Plover purrs and rubs her head against my cheek. "Everly's right. I love you guys." Calder snorts. "I must love you all very deeply, because that's the only explanation for why I'm being ridiculous enough to go back to the mountain." "About that." Farrah takes a deep breath and puts a paw on his. I start backing away. "Maybe we should give them some space." "No, stay. This'll only take a moment, anyway, and it's not something I feel like I should hide." Farrah looks directly at Calder. "I love you. I always have, but being away from the Guard, not having to pretend that I never want a future with anyone, has made me realize just how much I want a future with you." Her voice breaks, and I can see her tearing up. Calder opens his mouth to interrupt, but she shakes her head. "Just let me get this out now or I'll never be able to," she blurts. "I want to wake up next to you. I want everything I have to be ours, and I want to be yours." For once, Calder is lost for witty things to say. His mouth is hanging open slightly, and then he grabs Farrah and holds her so tightly that I can barely tell where he ends and she begins. He whispers something into her ear that none of us can hear, something precious for only them to share, but there's no mistaking the smile on her face when they pull apart. "Listen," I begin, "Farrah used to live on this side of the river. You guys could stay here, together. You don't have to risk your lives--" "Are you insane?" Farrah demands. "What did you just say? We're family." She places her paw on Calder's and links tails with Sasha. "We may be a little haphazard and dysfunctional, but we still hold each other and stick together, and being with you guys is the simple necessity of my life." "Guys, can we please get going?" Jett swipes at his eyes with his paw. "Or else I'm going to start bawling and never stop." We make our way down the mountain. Lucifer and I trot out front, side by side, discussing ideas; our job is to come up with a way to fend of DiAngelo if he attacks. Sasha, Farrah, and Calder are in charge of planning the river crossing; Jett, Plover and Eider are in charge of planning the infiltration of the peak. And of course, all of us have very colorful ideas about what to do if we encounter Greer face-to-face. "The thing is," Lucifer says, "there's just no way to kill a wolf, let alone that wolf. There's something unnatural about him. He wants us dead. And don't say it. Don't say I'm supposed to stop him. That prophecy is stupid -- Greer just... She's just nuts." "I'm not disagreeing with that statement," I say gently. "And I wasn't going to say you're supposed to stop DiAngelo. But we certainly can. We have to." "I hate it when you're right," he grumbles. "Once upon a time, I wouldn't care. Part of me still wants to say, screw 'em. Let Thorn Mountain take what it wants to take." He flashes me a guilty look, as if afraid I'm going to swear at him and call him the monster he's clearly so afraid of becoming still. "I do too," I say. Lucifer blinks. "You what? You? But you're Everly. You're our resident superhero. Being recklessly brave and stupidly selfless are as much a part of you as having green-gold eyes." I laugh and bump his shoulder, but at the same time, a little ray of warmth fissions through me, so real and true that I'm surprised the snow around me doesn't start to melt. What a kind thing of him to say. And I didn't know he ever noticed my eyes. "Being a superhero isn't easy. Sometimes I want a break too. So you, my sidekick, have to step in. Try to fill my giant pawsteps well, would you?" Grinning, Lucifer puts his much larger paw down on one of the prints my paws have left in the snow. "I think I'll be okay, tiny." "Ha ha," I say dryly. "Ha ha?" Jett echoes. "Something about a gigantic river full of icy water funny to you?" Sure enough, we've reached the bank of the River Thorn. I give Jett a sheepish look and says, "For a river, it tells surprisingly good jokes." "Listen up, guys," Sasha says, climbing onto a boulder so she can look down at us. However, the boulder is slippery with water that has turned into a thin, glossy layer of ice after splashing up out of the river, and she nearly loses her footing. Jett's paw shoots out just in time to catch her and steady her. "Phew. Thank you." "Better not do that again," Jett says. "We have enough risks on this trip already." "Right, sorry. I don't want to make myself a flight risk," she mumbles. Jett's face softens. "I didn't mean--" "Sasha, I found something that might work for our plan." Calder is stumbling along the riverbank towards us with a giant stick clutched in his jaws. Farrah hurries over and picks up the other end so it doesn't keep bumping the ground. Jett's eyebrows go up, and all of us turn questioningly towards Sasha, since she's the only one in charge of the river crossing who doesn't have their mouth full of tree bark. "I know this might sound weird, but last time we crossed the river, we were in smaller groups, which made it easier to stick together. This time, we have to find a way for all of us to make it across. We were thinking we could all hold onto a sturdy branch with our jaws, and swim behind it. That way, we would have all of our force concentrated in one spot, which would make it easier for everyone -- and we would be linked." "That sounds good, but what about the cold?" I question. "We won't last very long, no matter how much our blood is pumping from the swim." "We cross the narrowest channel we can find, and we start off on an ice floe. We only jump off when it's absolutely necessary," Sasha replies. "It's absolutely crazy, yet it's the most sensible plan we've got," Jett marvels. "Maybe all of us have lost our minds." "Great." Sasha puts on a brave smile and winks at him. "Let's go." Calder and Lucifer carry the stick for now, while Plover, Eider and I bound up and down the riverbank, trying to gauge where the River Thorn is narrowest. We finally decide on a spot upriver. It's a bit far from Thorn Mountain, but we'd rather walk than swim. Lucifer digs the stick into the middle of a chunk of ice, digging his hindlegs into the riverbank and bracing himself against it so he can hold the ice floe steady for us to climb on. My breath catches in worry as he pushes off the riverbank and leaps for the ice as it shoots away. His forepaws hit the edge of the ice and slip. I lunge out and catch him by the scruff of his neck. The others help me haul him onboard, panting, his eyes electric and charged with adrenaline. I lean into him and whisper, "A stunning display of reckless bravery and stupid selflessness, sidekick. Should I be proud or disappointed?" He actually laughs at that. It's the strangest thing, but he looks almost ethereal, perched there at the edge of the ice with his smooth snow-colored coat and bright blue eyes against the cobalt river, waves cresting up all around him and the wind whistling through his pelt. I realize that I trust him completely, that even when our lives our in danger, it's his presence I look through for the strength to get through it. I wonder if he knows that he's my anchor. "Guys!" Plover shrieks, and seconds later, a giant wave slams into our ice floe, leaving us soaked to the bone and dripping. I hear a crack, and look down to see a split fissioning through the piece of ice. "We're going to be separated! Everyone grab hold!" Calder yanks the stick out of the ice and holds it horizontally. I seize a piece between Lucifer and Plover and hook my jaws in tightly. "Jump on three! One--" The floe slides out from underneath us unexpectedly, throwing us all forward. My chin hits the water first, and my forehead knocks forward into the stick as I lose my balance completely. I refuse to let go of our lifeline, even as my own blood floods my mouth, because as soon as I do, I know there's not a chance of getting back. As I begin swimming for dear life, I feel an emptiness beside me. I risk a twist of my neck and catch a last glimpse of Plover's paw as she goes under. My mind floods with every swear word I know. Lucifer's wrong about me; I'm a coward. I want to keep swimming and enjoy the safety of the others swimming alongside me, carrying me to the shore. But even more overwhelming is the feeling of intense panic; what if I'm a second too late to save Plover? It's not even a choice. I can't lose another sister. I let go of the stick and spit all the blood out of my mouth, swapping it for a deep gulp of oxygen. Then I dive. The cold hits me like a wall of fire, raking along my pelt with vicious claws that leave me burning all over. I welcome the pain, excruciating as it is, because the second I start to go numb, I'm in real trouble. The current is dragging me downriver, away from Plover. I can't do this, I think desperately. "But you can." I sense rather than hear my siblings' voices. Images flash through my mind; days spent climbing, hiking and playing with Juniper and Starlight, a lifetime of love that can never be extinguished. I will always have them. They taught me the power of thought and curiosity and courage. They are a part of my heart, and the very blood that runs through my veins links us forever. And as I shoot through the water, I feel their strength coursing through me. I reach Plover, hook my claws in the thick of her pelt, and pull upwards so hard that I feel my shoulder pop. My lungs feel like they're going to explode with the effort, but letting in a drop of the frozen water around me would be death. After a small eternity, we break the surface. Stars spangle my vision and dance across my eyes. Plover's head flops back against my shoulder. Dirt. I hoped she might regain enough consciousness to at least help me save her life. "Everly!" Lucifer's bellow splits the air. Water dribbles out of my ears as I whip around and see him on the far bank, extending the stick towards me. With the last of my strength, I swim for the end of the stick. I throw Plover across it and dig my claws in. My legs lock into place; there is hardly any feeling left in them. I am a rattling, shaking board, so breathless with cold that I don't even feel the water beneath me turn to earth. "Why do you always do this? If they hadn't held me back I would've jumped in after you. You bloody idiot." Lucifer wipes blood and water off of me as the others surround me, lending what warmth they have under their wet, icy pelts. "Is she alive?" I pant. "She's alive." Eider is coughing, struggling for breath, but her eyes are swimming with grateful tears. "You saved her." "You are the luckiest pair of twins in the world," I murmur, gazing at them as my heart swells with infinite thanks that they are alive. "You've both cheated death." "In that case, you're a wanted criminal for Death," Lucifer mumbles. He's shaking, too. Painfully, I sit up. Something bumps my chest. "Look," I whisper. It's the little pink stone he gave me. Throughout the entire crazy river crossing, the little piece of bark that's tied around my neck hasn't broken. It's still there. Lucifer's eyes meet mine. He looks in awe. "That's how I know I can do this," I say. "That's how I know we're unbreakable."